i should be asleep

I will probably regret it in the morning.
This staying up so late.
Too late.

The husband's away.
Two states over.
I anticipate great gain for him,
for God is sparking within him.

The kids are camping out.
In the living room.
On home-made bed rolls.
They took my admonishment to heart
and went to sleep quickly.
At least the younger two did.

And here I sit
on the bed.
Tired.
Weary.
And awake.

Sometimes living feels a constant reaching.
Stretching out toward that which is not yet attained.
Grasping for that which is just beyond reach.
There's always another project.
Another task.
Another deadline.
Relief of a job complete is short lived.

And I should be sleeping,
because I have been working
and thinking
and imagining
and listening
and talking
and praying
and fighting a days-long headache.


Yet I find myself here.
A familiar space.
A comfortable place.
With nothing much to say really.

Except this...

Even in this late hour, 
God is here.
And in the morning, 
when I anticipate regret of the midnight oil
and sleep will cling hard to my eyes, 
God will be there too.

I am held.
Hemmed in - 
before and behind.

And thankful for every breath afforded, 
in this messy, complicated, beautiful life.