Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Choosing Day (on our 17th anniversary)

Paul - 

I remember our scandalous beginning. Strangers pretending to be high school sweethearts until everyone in the piano lab believed it. I had never even said hello to you before that day.

I remember speaking briefly on the sidewalk outside the Olt Student Center on picture day. You had caught my attention and I was wearing black jeans that apparently had caught yours. 

I remember your face in a sea of sophomore guys while you held up a kiwi. And I thought I would die of embarrassment with a one word declaration about a fruit. 

But I didn't know it was the beginning of a love story.

I remember late night phone calls, shy smiles, and first kisses that took my breath away.

I remember the tiger t-shirt, the worn-thin one you still wear to bed, and your question about submission that really was just an awkward prelude to speaking your love for me.

I remember our days as a couple in chorale, as Park Place youth workers, as ministry majors (finally), and then those painful days we weren't a "we" anymore.

But I didn't know it was still the beginning of a love story.

The love story that was sown on the campus of Anderson University began to sprout as we commited our lives to one another. We stood, hand in hand, while Shirley Coolidge worked her magic on the organ. Before a room full of people and all of heaven, we chose each other. 

June 6, 1998 became our day of choosing.
But I didn't know that was still the beginning of our love story.


Funny how the wedding is still the beginning. Hollywood would beg to differ. Don't get me wrong, I love me a romantic movie. You wouldn't have to suffer through all those Hallmark movies if I didn't. There's something special about the early butterflies of courtship and the breathless excitement of getting to know someone, but most romantic films are set up to end the moment the couple chooses each other.

The older I get and the longer we are at this crazy little thing called love, the more I realize that movies end before the love story takes hold. The unfolding of love is not in the candlelight of newness or the infatuation of dating. Love unfolds itself every day after the choosing. 


That's the love story.

Our wedding day is the day I chose you and you chose me.

For life. 
In the good and the bad.
When we have love bursts and when we discover habits that drive us crazy.
For the days we have patient smiles and the days steam comes from our ears. 
When we could run the Crim and when we are hospitalized from pneumonia or childbirth.
In the moments of triumph and defeat.
When we are confident of our tasks and struggling to face the day.
When we are caught up on housework or we've run out of underwear.
For the predictable and the unexpected.
When we speak words of healing or words that wound.
I chose you and you chose me.


We chose each other that sunny June afternoon. 
In the seventeen years that have spanned since then, we have still chosen each other. 
Every single day.



And that is the story of love.
Every day of our marriage has been a choosing day.
Love unfolds itself every day we still choose each other.


That's our love story.


I still choose you and you still choose me.
I am still chosen and so are you.
A love that unfolds and blooms each time we choose one another.
And with each sunrise, we have a new opportunity to choose each other again.


I am pretty sure there is nothing more romantic than the choosing.
Nothing more powerful or life-giving than the choosing.
Choosing love. Choosing you. Choosing me.
Every day.
No matter what.

I am so glad we chose each other 17 years ago, 
but I am ever more grateful for our choosing each other every day since.


Happy Anniversary, Stud Muffin!

I love you and I choose you. 
Always. Everyday.

Niki


Sunday, June 9, 2013

His and Her Vows


Last week, Paul and I celebrated 15 years of marriage.

While away on retreat we renewed our commitment to one another. 




And Paul gave me a new diamond ring to replace my original engagement ring and wedding band which were stolen last fall.






Below are our vows to one another...

Monday, December 17, 2012

Marriage in the Ordinary

I've had every intention of writing Advent related posts this month. I have some great ideas in my head and they want to get out, but they will have to wait. 

This topic instead is forefront in my mind...

A friend from college is getting divorced. 

He stated that he and his wife are "choosing to end their marriage."

Choosing to end their marriage.

I couldn't figure it out for a few days. 
What was gnawing at me about his words. 
They are, after all, commonplace enough in our culture.

But still...choosing to end their marriage?

That sounds like a one and done kind of decision when we speak like that, doesn't it? And that - well - that just seemed highly improbable to me.

Then the ton of bricks hit.

Every day with every decision, seemingly small or large, I choose to nourish my marriage or help it wither.

When I choose to be selfless, I bring life to my marriage.

When I notice the mundane gestures, I feed my marriage.

When I say thank you, and hold my tongue. 
When I remember to kiss him goodbye or goodnight. 
When I stop to look him in the eye 
or watch a Nova documentary, I am choosing to keep my marriage alive.
When I take time to fix my hair and make-up for the date I've planned for us, I nurture my marriage.

I don't wake up one day and decide to end my marriage. 
That decision is made little choice by little choice over days, weeks, months, years. 

Choosing to end a marriage is a cumulative destination from our behavior in the everyday, messy, ordinary, unglamorous, gotta-get-done days. 

I need to be reminded that everything I do matters. 
That every little action has the potential to build momentum in my marriage toward a particular direction.

What am I doing today to nourish my marriage?

Monday, April 23, 2012

How's your joy?

That's what my husband asked me tonight...how's your joy?

He knows I struggle with that - finding joy. Keeping it around. Holding on to it. 

I am no stranger to fighting for joy. My muscles have been well-toned the last few years in the battle for even a scrap of it. But this friend of mine, joy, can be slippery and elusive.

So, after staring at him, mentally scurrying for an answer, here's what I said...

"Well, I don't know. 
I have joy more often. 
And I have it for longer these days. 
And when I lose it, I find it faster.
So that's something."

I wish I could have a different answer. One that erases any cloud of sadness, confusion, or dread. I don't. Maybe one day I will. Or maybe my answer will stay the same.

Regardless, this heart clings to the One who gives me hope that all joy will be fully restored one day.