Monday, December 17, 2012

Marriage in the Ordinary

I've had every intention of writing Advent related posts this month. I have some great ideas in my head and they want to get out, but they will have to wait. 

This topic instead is forefront in my mind...

A friend from college is getting divorced. 

He stated that he and his wife are "choosing to end their marriage."

Choosing to end their marriage.

I couldn't figure it out for a few days. 
What was gnawing at me about his words. 
They are, after all, commonplace enough in our culture.

But still...choosing to end their marriage?

That sounds like a one and done kind of decision when we speak like that, doesn't it? And that - well - that just seemed highly improbable to me.

Then the ton of bricks hit.

Every day with every decision, seemingly small or large, I choose to nourish my marriage or help it wither.

When I choose to be selfless, I bring life to my marriage.

When I notice the mundane gestures, I feed my marriage.

When I say thank you, and hold my tongue. 
When I remember to kiss him goodbye or goodnight. 
When I stop to look him in the eye 
or watch a Nova documentary, I am choosing to keep my marriage alive.
When I take time to fix my hair and make-up for the date I've planned for us, I nurture my marriage.

I don't wake up one day and decide to end my marriage. 
That decision is made little choice by little choice over days, weeks, months, years. 

Choosing to end a marriage is a cumulative destination from our behavior in the everyday, messy, ordinary, unglamorous, gotta-get-done days. 

I need to be reminded that everything I do matters. 
That every little action has the potential to build momentum in my marriage toward a particular direction.

What am I doing today to nourish my marriage?