Friday, October 25, 2013


Linking up here...



"Pull yourself together, woman."

That's what the voice inside my head echoes.

Pull myself together?
Like it's some simple task on my to-do list.
Like I have the wherewithal to actually accomplish this.
Like it is completely within my power to achieve such a feat.

Pull myself together?
How is that even possible?

Sure, I can give me a pep talk.
I can stare my crow's feet in the mirror and chant a mantra of positive thinking.
I can post scripture throughout my house.
I can say no to things and create healthy boundaries.

But even when I do all this well, 
I still find myself saying again,
"Pull yourself together, woman."

And that's when I remember this way of thinking is a lie.

It's not all up to me.
It can't be.
It's not possible.
I am not strong enough.
Or capable enough.
Or efficient enough.

I can't just will myself to pull it together.
Yes, I am responsible for my actions.
Yes, I have a choice.

But the only way to find myself whole
is by admitting my brokenness
to the One who makes it His business
to pull things together.

He did it before time was marked out by seasons.
He did when time was split by incarnation.
He does it every single day of my life.

The only way I can really get it together
is to be willing to fall apart
in the hands of the One
who knows me best 
and loves me most.

For in him we live and move and have our being.
Acts 17:28a


Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Am I Called Blessed Yet?

These days, 
life is moving
at break-neck speed.
Life is chock full
of endless to do lists.

Most everything in my life
has taken a back seat
to home education
and seminary work
and keeping in touch
with far-away family not well.

I haven't watched a movie 
in who knows how long.
Netflix is a distant memory.
I've forgotten to even wonder
if the last season of White Collar
is available to add to the
instant que.
And that's another thing - 
it's not the instant que anymore.
The nomenclature is now "My List".
But I digress.

Life is busy. full. tiring.
Every night, after kids are covered up and kissed, 
I climb down the stairs 
and open up my books and read.
And write forum posts.
And read some more.
And take quizzes.

Somewhere along the way 
I write lesson plans for homeschool.
And sometimes I talk to my husband.
Lately there's been lots to discuss 
and ponder 
and process.

And it's hard.
And it's not.
Seminary work is wonderfully exhausting.
So is home education.
So is ministry.
So is parenting.
So is marriage.

Most of the time, 
I don't miss the superfluous episodes of Park and Recreation
that leave a trail of happy tears down my cheeks.
Most of the time, 
I am content to know there is plenty of work to fill my days and nights.
Most of the time, 
I am okay to admit that while my online assignments get done, 
my children are running out of clean underwear.
(Although, it's laundry week so it's all good.)
Most of the time, 
I will gladly nod my head and confirm while I have been teaching
my children about attentiveness,
and skip counting by 9,
and the eating habits of the Inuit tribe, 
the tub sits dirty for another day. 

These days, 
life is moving
at break-neck speed.
Life is chock full
of endless to do lists.
And yet life is good.
God is good.
And I am very thankful. 

Her children arise and call her blessed...
Proverbs 31:28a