Wednesday, November 9, 2011

On Orcas and Fears

"Mommy, will you draw an orca?"
A sincere and hopeful question from my 4-year old.

Here's the thing:  
I cannot draw.  
No really.  
I can't.  
No false humility here.  
I struggle with creating even a stick person.  

Here's the other thing:                                                          
I am a scaredy-cat.  
You name it.
I've probably been afraid of it.  
Much of the time, the fears come.  I deal.  They go.  
There are, however, a few stubborn ones that plague me.  
One of which happens to be a fear of failure.

I won't go into all the analysis on this fact, but trust me, I don't want to fail.  I want to do all things perfectly and well.  With one question, my preschooler immediately dashed all hopes of me succeeding in this request.

I have stubborn fears.  Ones that decide to be life-long traveling companions.  They pack themselves deep into my heart and create weighted travel.  As a result, I don't get very far, very fast.  Heavy baggage does that.  But I was created for a life free of unnecessary weight, where fear doesn't sit in the driver's seat.

And so, a crossroad moment...  
Will my fear of failure prevail or will I bravely draw my best version of an orca?

(Internal deep breath and a "Here goes nothing" kind of sigh) 

And when my marker rested, there was this big smile on his face. 

And on mine.  

Loving my son enough to draw an orca forced me to leave my fear-companion for the briefest of moments.  I set down my baggage to pick up a black Crayola marker and found a moment of freedom.  

What about you?  Will you dare to draw an orca?

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