Wednesday, December 7, 2011

a tension

Here's a current tension of mine...

Multiple voices shouting and whispering and pleading and encouraging me to 
make the most of every moment
not let a moment be wasted
never underestimate the power of one moment

(Do you know how much anxiety that produces in one recovering from a mind-set of performance-based worth?) 

Multiple voices consoling and saying and reckoning and explaining that
every parent makes mistakes
you won't be perfect all the time
there will always be choices you want to re-do

(Do you know how easy it is to excuse my laziness and lack of intention with statements like these?)

I struggle functionally to make the most of my every moments while allowing space for my own humanness.

It's hard.  And I am not so good at it.

There.  I feel better just saying that.

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