Friday, May 24, 2013

A Difficult, Beautiful Day

Today has been a difficult, beautiful day.

There's something powerful about expectations going unmet.

...when you think you are headed down a certain path 
with a certain end in mind
and then you're 
interrupted or 
blockaded or 

...when you've hoped for a certain something,
wished and worked, 
and in walks 
a glitch or
a hiccup or
a detour.

...when you've calculated continuity
and life inserts
a comma or 
semi-colon or
a parenthesis.

And today was like that for me.
My expectations did not match my reality.
And I was sad.

And for a time, 
as our family drove around town, 
I talked out my feelings with Paul
and then I cried.

I explained the swirl of emotion
and the helplessness I felt.
I choked out words of resignation
thinking it impossible to get what I wanted.
I questioned my motives.
You know, the usual stuff you do when things don't go as planned.

And in the midst of my tears, 
I saw beauty camped out right in the middle of my mess.

Beauty in a husband, 
who listens compassionately, 
who disallows our current difficulty to be the last word.

Beauty in children,
who from behind me in the van, 
reach to touch my shoulder in comfort, 
or stretch an arm out to hold my hand,
or ask if I am okay.

Today has been a difficult day
but it's been a beautiful day too.
And trumps it all.

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